Monday, November 26, 2007

World's worst rhymes

As readers with fairly long memories will know, I have previously nominated New Order's Thieves Like Us as one of my Desert Island Discs, while conceding that the lyrics aren't up to much. In fact, I would go so far as to say that the line "Love is the cure for every evil, Love is the air that supports the eagle" is the Worst Pop Lyric of all time.

So I was surprised it didn't feature in this list chosen by BBC radio listeners, who plumped for Des'ree's "I don't want to see a ghost, It's the sight that I fear most, I'd rather have a piece of toast," at No 1.

On second thoughts, maybe they've got a point...

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Anonymous said...

New Order's history is littered with hilarious lyrical howlers, from the plain and simple non-rhyming couplet...

I thought I told you to leave me while I walk down to the beach.
Tell me how does it feel when your heart grows cold?

(Blue Monday, 1983) the plain hilarious:

Tonight I should have stayed at home,
playing with my pleasure zone.

(The Perfect Kiss, 1985)

One of these days when you sit by yourself,
you'll realise you can't shaft without someone else.

(Sub-culture, 1985)

I've always enjoyed the humour in New order's lyrics, which often display more talent than the above examples might suggest.

My all-time favourite is probably this:

The sign that leads the way.
The path we can not take.
You've caught me at a bad time,
so why don't you piss off?

(Your Silent Face, 1983)

Unknown said...

Whenever talk turns to lyrics - there's one which comes to mind. This little couplet always makes me smile:

I keep your picture upon the wall
It hides a nasty stain that's lyin' there

(10CC, I'm not in love)

Don't you also find that as soon as someone has warped a particular lyric, you can no longer hear the original? Whenever I hear Lionel Richie's "Hello" (which is an infrequently as possible ...) I hear:

Are you somewhere feeling lonely
or is lonely feeling you?

Anonymous said...

As much as I like New Order, their lyrics get even more banal and bathetic, as can be seen (or heard) on Get Ready and Waiting for the Siren's Call. To give just a few examples:

'Hey Now, what you doin'
Don't go down the road to ruin' (Hey Now)


'You had the brighest future
Writing songs on your computer' (Hey Now again)

Pass the sickbag, meanwhile, for:

'Our sort of world is a beautiful place
With mountains, lakes and the human race' (Krafty)

The real Club Tropicanaesque descent into lyrical atrocity, though, is evident in Jetstream:

'J-E-T, J-E-T
You are so good to me'

Anonymous said...

Richard, you're right.

Which is why serious New Order fans only tend to rate them during the Factory years (NB we're allowed to include Republic here too, because it was recorded for Factory).

You can forget anything after 1993.